Month Two

Two down and two to go! I haven't done so well this second month in the chub club. I'm down 10lbs. but should be down 16! Lame!!!!!!!! I am LAME!!!! Seriously, here it is month two, I count calories diligently, walk (fast) at least five days a week....and it's killing me because I'm hungry constantly! I don't always stay on my caloric budget, but most of the time I do. But now I'm starting into my pre-pms-can't-eat-enough-wanna-eat-everything-have-no-self-control-think-of-nothing-but-food week! AHHHHHH!!!!! Heaven help me! I'm sunk! So........I guess starting tomorrow, month three, I'm going to add running into my walking, and do Callanetics ( isometeric exercises) at night. Well, I'll find out tomorrow where I stand in the club. Lol, at least I know I'm beating Bret! :) Ha ha ha! Poor guy! He's still at zero! I really want to win this stupid contest! Losing weight is the main reason of course, but I also want to prove to myself that I can do it. Good luck to me.....

Bret and Roxy

Yes, Roxy is wearing a seatbelt!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVID!!!

Gosh! I got quite a response to my mental post! Thanks so much to all of you! Apparently there are alot of us mentals around! :) The thing is, that was just sort of a....spacey, no motivation want to sleep constantly, can't really function day ...not one of my really sad days, which I get every once in awhile too. When I get both together its baaaaad! But, fortunately I've kinda learned how to avoid that with exercise and by literally forcing myself to keep busy , whether its with cleaning, or reading, or writing blogs and emails, cleaning out a cupboard, going for a walk, brushing my horses .....just anything to keep my brain occupied! It's not easy!!!! The best help I had used to be my brother David. I used to call him when I got really bad, because he had the same kind of depression , and we would talk for hours about stuff, and likewise, he would call me. The minute I would hear his voice when he'd call I could tell if he was depressed,and if he was, I would talk with him for hours. I miss that....We just understood each other and our giant black hole. (Thats what we called it.) He was such a good brother to me. It always helped us both feel better to know we weren't the only crazies in the world! I miss him so much. Today would have been his 52nd birthday. Happy Birthday Bro.... I love you forever! :) Anyway, thanks so much again to Kristin and Kristin and Jessica and Nikki and Darlene. I love you guys! Thanks for your notes on here. My mom was right, the next day was better , as is today! The only thing wrong with today is that I'm damn hungry! I've eaten and it doesnt matter! I think I'm headed into my pms week of constant hunger!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh it just kills me! YES , I ate TWO pieces of pizza for lunch! NO , I should'nt have and YES I'm craving sweets like no tomorrow! AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Stupid chub club!

Mental

I was diagnosed with depression about 26 years ago. Thankfully I received professional help and learned ways to work through it. (Most of the time anyway!) One thing I experience is the feeling of "not being in the real world" .... kinda like I'm here, but I'm not, and I can seem normal to others, but I don't feel normal.... Well, that's how I feel today. It's really hard to explain how it feels, but, I feel like everything is passing me by, time is going too fast, I can't go places and face people, I have no energy and only want to sleep, I feel spacey in my head and I'm on the outside looking in to everything going on around me. It makes no sense to normal people, but to those that are mentally ill like me.... :) they know what I'm talking about! I'm not always mental, but I definatly am today! I feel like I've lost the whole day today! After work I managed to go for a walk with Bryce and our mutts. From that point on......I took a nap and its been straight downhill from there. So, I'm going to battle back and think of the positives I have in my life today! Here goes.... I am married to the best man ever! We are all alive and healthy! I didnt have to cook dinner, Bret brought Chinese food home. I've stayed under my caloric budget, I can go to bed early if I choose to, I have the Gospel in my life, Nick is going on a mission, my family is happy, we have good jobs, we live in a beautiful area, I have a home, I am loved, I have a great family, (including extended family), I have great friends and I don't drive a van! Lol, some vans arent that bad... really. When I was growing up and would have a bad day, my mom would say to me, " remember, tomorrow is a new day" , and she was right, the next day was almost always better! Well, on that happy note, this mental case is going to take a sleeping pill and go to bed and hope for a better tomorrow! :)

Busy!

Geeze, this past weekend was a busy one! We celebrated my mothers 80th birthday with a surprise party on Saturday. First though, on Friday I had to sneak into my parents house while mom was out at the rehab visiting dad, so that I could get some pictures of mom and put in a collage frame. I had a great time looking at my parents and our family from the time my mom was a baby till now! I chose my favorite pictures, one which included mom in a red bathing suit and heels posing like she was in a beauty pageant. It's a great photo! My mom had a great figure! On Saturday, I exercised, cleaned my house, (worked as fast as I could) showered and left home at quarter to four with Bennett and Bret to pick up dad which took us FOREVER! The nurse had to get his meds, his blood sugar, wheelchair , and oxygen, and then, I spiffed him up and off we went! Our whole family with the exception of MaryAnn and her fam, Stephanie, Michael, Abbigail and Daniel were there. Mom was so surprised! I think she really loved it! On Sunday, I got up early to make a salad and peanut butter bars for Nathan Calls farewell luncheon. His farewell was at nine, then, at eleven we went to Jaden Hoths farewell in Millville. (He is Nicks good friend.) After that meeting, we rushed back to the Calls for lunch! Then, after that, I went over to the shop with Bryce and cut his hair.....then, went into moms to hang with my sisters! THEN, ..... today, I went to my Aunt Vennas funeral in Deweyville, lunch with Ali and Bryce, and then to work for three hours.... just got home ...going to fix dinner....clean it up and go to Nicks first indoor soccer game of the season! It's at nine-thirty...and I'm already tired! But, I can't wait to watch him play! I miss it sooooo much! Ahhhh....busy busy busy...

Beautiful Day!

Gosh, what a beautiful day it's been today! The weather was so nice that I went walking twice! I also called Bret and asked if he wanted to bring lunch home so we could eat outside together. I knew he would like that, he really loves warm weather! He actually hurried home from work tonight just so he could mow the lawn! He loves to mow the lawn believe it or not! I just couldn't stay indoors, so I decided to brush my fatty patty horse. Alisons horse (Garth) chews on her tail every once in a while, so I braided it and put it in a tail wrap to protect it from him. Her tail is thick and really long and beautiful and I don't want it ruined! It can take a year, to two years or more to grow back if it gets chewed off. Tonight I've been helping Bennett with his school schedule for next year. We meet with his counselor tomorrow morning. He is such a good boy, always so pleasant. He thinks he wants to do something in the medical field. Time sure flies! I can't believe he is going to be a junior! He's my baby! Wow! It's painful for me to have my kids grow up. Nick just started working at the convenience store down the road this week and loves it! He works with his friend and they have a great time! Bryce has started fishing after work again , Amber is teaching school at night and Ali is working and studying all the time it seems! We are busy , but we are happy..... :)

Windy Day

I just returned from my daily walk with the mutts. Wow! My hair is a mass of tangles and I feel like I'm windburned! The wind was blowing so hard I could barely hear the music on my ipod! Yesterday there was about two feet of snow on our lawn and the fields along my walk, but today, simply because of the wind, (not the sun mind you), just the wind, it's all gone! Geeze, it's twice the work to walk against the wind, so I think it should only be fair to put down on my diet tracker that I walked twice as far as I did! I won't though....danggit! Even Roxy got tired and walked part of the way home instead of trotting ahead of me like she always does. Today is the mid-month report for the chub club...... 4.45 % total for me. Not as good as it should be. I should have lost 12 lbs by now, but I've lost 9 instead. At least it's something. I went to see my dad last night at the rehab center. He looked pretty good. We watched "The Color Purple" for a while. He always tells me I have wonderful sweet kids that are very special to him. I love my dad. He was hard to live with as a teenager, but i thnk he tried to do the best he could for us. He is a terrific grandpa and a good man. One thing I know for sure , he loves his family, and my mom. Well, I have to go back to work and do more hair. Lol, it's kind of funny, it won't matter what I do to my clients hair, the wind will mess it up anyway!