Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Battles
So I have a great life and Im happy......... but ............ alot of days are battles for me. This week.......battles. It all depends on my depression level. I work really hard at keeping my head up, refocusing my mind, counting my blessings, keeping myself busy, and refusing to let it control me.... but every so often it takes over. Depression is a strange mental illness. I wonder if a person can ever out grow it? :) Ha! Just wishful thinking! Earlier today as I was driving I couldnt control my tears and I tried to hide from other drivers... I was embarrassed...now, how weird is that! As if anyone would even notice! Weird weird. I just didnt want anyone to know I guess, even strangers. Ive talked about my depression before in an earlier blog, I dont remember what I wrote, nor do I care.... I dont want to look it up and make sure Im not repeating myself.... I just know that sometimes writing about it helps... So , welcome to a brief glimpse into my mind...As I was driving along crying off and on, I thought, I should call this person or that person and talk and I will feel better, then , no... I cant talk to anyone I dont have the energy, then I thought, I should go water my flowers because I love my flowers, that should help me feel better, then , no, I dont want to... I should go gather Bret and the boys and go to a movie that will make me feel better, no, I might see someone I know and I cant talk to people right now, I might cry...what I really should do is go read my scriptures, for sure that will make me feel better, ...no.. I dont have the energy, what I really want, is to take a sleeping pill, and sleep till tomorrow..and hope for a better day. So, there you go, thats a peek into about one full minute repeated over and over in my mind when Im not well. Instead of taking a sleeping pill I came home , fixed dinner, watched 'So you think you can dance'. (What a great show, I love it!) I guess I can go to bed now without taking the sleeping pill and see what tomorrow brings. Im planning on having a great day! :)
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I'm sorry that you had a rough day auntie. Wouldn't it be great if you could just grow of Depression.
ReplyDeleteI hope that tomorrow is a great day! Love you!
Weird. That is how i felt today. Dont know why. Took Syd to Colorado so I think that is what triggered it! Hope you many better days.
ReplyDeleteI love you Annette! I just have to tell you that you've always been such a great example to me! I look up to you on how I want to be like as a mom and as a person! One of my favorite scriptures is in Joshua 1:9, which says "Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." I read this scripture whenever I am having a hard time!
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